And the Next Chapter Begins...

You may be thinking, "Wow! Nichelle is actually posting for the 2nd time in one month?!"

I'm just as surprised as you are, to be honest.

I've been surprising myself a lot lately. I've been reading a witchy book in preparation for the beautiful Autumn slowly appearing in the trees. I've been writing little by little, and in the last two weeks, I have successfully written one poem and applied for a blogging opportunity to share my lived experience about the Accident with a brand new audience! I've also submitted a few older pieces of mine to some writing platforms for publication.

And at the same time, I decided not to write for this year's Writer's Digest Personal Esssay Competition. It may seem counter-intuitive to everthing else I am working on, but I am actually very proud of this decision. Mostly because anyone who truly knows me is probably not surprised to hear that my writing and reading habits are usually quite all-or-nothing; either I am always immersed in words, or I spend weeks away from all forms of creation. I don't know why I do this, and I wish I did not, honestly.

In an attempt to decrease this pattern of behavior, I have been trying to remind myself that my writing can be like the phases of the moon, sometimes waxing and sometimes waning. And even if my writing does not shine bright in the dark sky, it is always there. My creative spark never fully disappears.

So when I found that the deadline for this year's personal essay competition was drawing nearer, right as my creative energy began to surge, my immediate reaction was to quickly throw something together and obsessively work on an essay of heartache about the Accident.

After a few mild anxiety attacks (What can I write about? How can I make it better than last year? Why does my writing suck so bad? -- Definitely not helpful negative self-talk), I realized that there was no way I would write something well--let alone, something I enjoyed--with such pressure on myself! And with that, I saved the words I had begun and closed my computer.

This is growth.

There have been many times in my life that I have pushed through the anxiety to write something in a hurry. Though I have done it before, I am feeling especially proud that I did not force it this time, and instead, I am working only on what feels reasonable and enjoyable! This is such a joy, and I feel grateful to myself for this decision. It's made writing feel much easier to get back into!

So this next chapter has begun, with some surprises and some challenges. I am so excited to continue writing this next chapter, and I am eager to see where it leads!